One step at a time

Well, we are three weeks post surgery. I can't believe how time flies. This was Jerry's first official week of Rehab here at the Spinal Unit. We have a wonderful team to work with. The days are full. He gets up bright and early to begin his personal care, I usually get in by 8 , as he becomes more independent I am coming in a little later. Due to his back injury, which actually led to this, Praise the Lord, he has needed some extra help for quite a while before surgery. As we are learning and connecting the dots to his injury. We are seeing how this damage to his spinal cord has been going on for many years.

He has a great plea for anyone whom may have tingliing in your hands, neck and extremeties that you have ignored or thought was nothing major, Please talk to your Dr and get an MRI. Especially , he is thinking of his buddies he flew with. Wearing the Flight helmets and NVG's bouncing on your neck while flying.

So after breakfast , he is off to appointments from about 9:30 til 3:30. There are appts throughout the day for therapy, Meeting with Dr, psychiatrist,Social Worker. He works hard each and every day. There are classes to attend some days and some times its just group discussions for patients with similar conditions. The uniqueness is that they are all Veterans and they share their stories. This is rehab where you get what you put into it. I can say that Jerry is putting his whole energy into it. So proud of him and his determination each day.

He finally was given the chance to walk this week. Though it seemed like it was past due in his eyes. He did amazing and has been giving it a go each day. The first day was about 20ft. By day 3, he is up to about 80 ft. Some on the balance bars and some on a walker. As he was given this opportunity, it gave him the reality of what in his legs is working and what is still asleep. He is such a fighter. This guy will tough it out as much as he can. They are noticing that his right leg is still super weak, and have decided to have him fitted for a brace for his right leg. It is going to help alot with over extending his knee and just keeping his leg healthy as it recovers. It is strange at times he says both legs are numb , but his left leg is more functional and close to normal. His right side is mostly still the worse of the two. Some days are better than others. As we are learning , Nerves will do some strange things.

Another reality this week has been the fact that he is here for a spinal injury. In his mind he went in for neck surgery and came out unable to walk. While this is fact, the whole point of neck surgery is because his spine was so damaged. Sometimes the trauma is unseen and it really makes it harder to grasp. Though , when we look at many of the symptoms he has struggled with for years , it makes sense that this has been occuring over a long period of time, unbeknown to us. Each day we are thankful that he did not incur one more bang to his head, or this recovery would look completely different.

There were many things to share from this week , but mostly tonight I just want to brag on Jerry. After all these weeks, his spirits are still high. he gives God all the glory for every small victory. He is in the word every morning and he has something new to share with me every day about how God is speaking to him. I am in awe of his strength, not that I doubt it, but his complete dependence on the Lord and his unwaivering faith. What a blessing to be walking alongside of this guy for the rest of my life. I know in our weakness the Lord is carrying us through this. As his wife, what a joy to have him encouraging and reminding me each day of God's greatness and love for us. There have been many times when he has been so down with injuries, where I just have to be tough and pick up and keep us all going and focused , but there is such a peace as I let go and let God carry and Lead my Husband as he Leads us, One step at a time....

Here are some highlights of the past week's success - We are so thankful for each of you as you come alongside of us. May your weekend be blessed and Joy filled, dear friends.

We continue to covet your prayers and Thank you for Loving and supporting us through this season.

Jerry's Rehab -Week 1 One Step at a time :) from Tammy Hollaway on Vimeo.

ENJOY :)

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Just a nice weekend

It was a good weekend.  We had lots of visiting this weekend.  It seemed to fly by.  There were moments I even felt like we were back visiting and everything was nearly normal.. Then I would notice Jerry sitting in his wheelchair. I know this is the beginning of a new season. It is good to be reminded that things are really still the same.  God created us to be unique , each and every one of  us, no matter what our physical abilities.  What a joy to be able to just be who we are :)

What a blessing to share the Fisher House this weekend and just enjoy fellowshipping. Jerry had such joy.  Kids picked up pizza's and cake for Katie's bday and we feasted.  We had lots to share and it was nice to connect with people here in the house as well.  It was also an opportunity to witness and love on others.

When we were saying good bye to our Sat guests, we were asked to pray for two different ladies  in the house and their husbands whom are both facing difficult health issues.  It is nice to be ready and willing to be used by God even though we are having our own tough journey.  Really, maybe its all to    just be available and witness to God during this time.

More family came today.  Was nice seeing them.
I even got to sleep in today.  I got a phone call at 830 and couldn't believe I was still asleep. It was so good .. Just the time to rest and recharge , its the little things these days.
Lord, help us to keep our eyes open so you can use us.
Thank you for all that you have given us and all that  you are doing for us each and every day.
Talked to the kids tonight and it was so good to just hear all their voices.
Oh how I miss them, I know in the big scheme of things this time is just a small amount of time, but it is still difficult.  But it is so reassuring that the Lord has given them calm spirits through this time.
What a blessing.  Jerry and I were talking today about how the older two really had to grow up more just to take on the responsibilities at home.  We can't wait to get home from all this and have some fun family times.  Oh how we are looking forward to all of that.
Well, I have listened to several house guests come and go tonight, I have sat and listened to their stories of the day. So many things in each of their lives.  Just listening to them and knowing ways to pray for them tonight.  Now , My laundry is done so it is time to say goodnight. May God bless you on your journey.
Luv and Hugs~Tammy

Here in the midst of it all.....

It has been two weeks since Jerry went in for his Cervical Laminectomy. The past two weeks have been some what of a whirlwind, even a blur at times. This surgery to repair his spinal cord has brought us into a completely new world. From the episodes before surgery until now, we have been away from home nearly 3 weeks. My emotions have went from anxious, to excited , to worry, concern, heart ache, fear, relief, loneliness, frustration, disappointment, sadness, weakness, humbled, joy filled and many more. I am blessed to be next door in this lovely room at the Fisher House, it is bigger than our room at home, geez its nearly as big as half our house... since our home is just over 700sq ft it doesn't take much ;) The past two nights I have finally been able to sleep calmly, without the flood of tears. The emotions seem to be at bay for now.
We moved to the VA Hospital in Seattle on Monday. He started in acute Rehab and on day 2 it was decided that he should move to the Spinal Cord Injury Unit. It is an amazing place and they are focused on walking with you through the journey of your spinal cord injury. It has taken us a few days to understand the complete injury of his spinal cord. Its one thing to go into surgery, understanding that it needs to be done now and then waking up with loss of function and moving into this whole new world.
I honestly can say that my joy has been zapped a few times these past few weeks. I try hard to seek the joy in everything. My eyes have been foggy to pretty much everything. Exhaustion makes it all so unclear. Watching the Love of your life, lying there weak when you know him as a strong tower in your life is difficult. On day 2 here, he was given a new wheel chair. He laughed at them, I fought back tears. He told them :He would be walking as soon as they gave him a chance; He is still saying that :) I am still fighting back tears but I am right there beside him to cheer him on. That day was hard, I came back to my room and cried that night until there were no tears left to cry. I struggled with the "why" and I couldn't find the words to even pray. My heart just ached, I was mad that this surgery was going to bring new life to our family and NOW things were really going to be different, but not the way I had pictured.
GOD is NOT SURPRISED BY THIS.. it is part of his perfect plan. He can move mountains, he can raise the dead, he can heal the sick.. He can heal Jerry. IF it is HIS will and WHEN he is ready.
Those are the words Jerry reminded me of on Wednesday. We sat together and just cried together for over an hour. I am always the optimist, I seek and I find joy. Jerry was not sure what to think when I told him , "I don't know what to think anymore, I don't know how to pray through this" I am just weak and my heart hurts " He looked at me and said "I know God is going to use me and our story , I do not know if He wants me in this wheelchair or to be walking , BUT I know he is going to use me and our family, so let's trust him together. "

26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. Romans 8:26

The Joy-giver that caught me in that moment was, completely opening my heart to Jerry and when I had nothing to give him he picked me up and encouraged me and strengthened me. Our marriage has grown stronger every day during this journey this year, but this moment was pivotal.As weak as he is physically, I see him stronger than ever spiritually. And really there is no better place to be. If his strength remained to be spiritual and not physical , I could not be happier. I LOVE how God has grabbed his heart and is filling him to the brim. He inspires me daily :)

The days are long and Jerry has a tough road ahead, but if it is bringing glory to God and believe me, He is sharing greatness of our Heavenly Father with everyone we meet. There is Joy in my steps again. We conquer each day with new HOPE . He tells his great stories, I am by his side, helping and encouraging him as he takes a step, or pulls his body up into a sitting position, as he learns to transfer from the bed to his chair, to push him when his arms are just too tired. In the last two days we were signed off , so I can assist him with his transfers so he didn't need a nurse for escaping the bed`;) and today his therapist took us on a field trip- she had him travel through the hospital and outside and across the rd to the Fisher House. !! Yay , how wonderful . His Dr. signed him off on a pass to come to the Fisher House and so the kids are coming up this weekend and he can visit without being in the Hospital setting. It is such a blessing !!

Meanwhile, back at home; the kids are tending to everything. We have great friends looking in, taking time to handle situations, feeding them delicious meals, having play dates , finishing up transcripts;) finalizing school and just being there for them. I want to encourage you moms, that are raising littles , it is so hard somedays but don't give up ! We are so blessed by how the kids have stepped up and are being so responsible. I miss them terribly, my mama heart longs to have them with me, the quietness is disheartening after a day or so. I am so thankful I can have peace within this absence and be here to walk alongside of Jerry. I am thankful for the way God is growing them closer and carrying them through this season.
Please pray with us :
Thank you Lord for bringing Jerry this far, for giving him peace for igniting his heart and giving you all the Glory
Thank you for the team working with him , continue to pray for wisdom for them
Thank you Lord for all the many ways you are carrying us through this and providing all our needs
Thank you for your covering over the Kids while we are away
Thank you for the Fisher House
Continued prayer for Jerry's body to be completely restored.
Pray for strength each day as it gets physically harder with each therapy.
Pray for the families we meet each day that have loved ones here, that we can speak words of hope and encouragement into their lives.
May we both have endurance , as the days are long and emotionally as well as physically exhausting
Let my eyes seek the Joy and stay focused on Jesus.
Thank you all for coming alongside and being our great encouragers.
We are Thankful for each of you, May the Lords face shine brightly upon each of you as you walk your journey today, Seek the JOY !!

Here is the address to the Hospital if you want to send a card :

Dept Of VA

Puget Sound Health Care System

1660 South Columbian Way

Seattle, WA 98108-1597

Spinal Cord Injury Unit

119-B

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The road ahead...

**** I started this post days ago, and will update again soon, but to catch y'all up :)

It has been 8 days since Jerry went in for Surgery.  It feels like much longer, already.  The day of surgery could not have came any later.  He used a walker with a seat, struggling to go each step. We made it to the check-in and waited to be called back.  His body was so weak that last day.  For so long , I have watched him struggle to do simple tasks that had become so difficult.  It was like so much of him was shutting down.  When we learned of the damage to his spinal cord, just 2 weeks before, so many things began to make sense.    This surgery was the key to regaining his life again.  This surgery was necessary to prevent paralysis.  We looked forward to May 8th as the beginning of something new.  We looked back on all the ways the Lord had protected him from something much more serious. We have been beyond thankful.

We went in to surgery knowing what the surgeon told us about the outcome.  We went forward knowing that God is not surprised by anything that happens and if our faith is in him, we must trust what lays ahead.  We went in to surgery with such hopes of things changing and improving quickly.  HOPE is all you have.  There are never guarantees.  Except the guarantee of eternal life IF you put your trust in the Lord completely, if you surrender it all to him.   Beyond that great and beautiful knowledge , we can only Hope for the outcome of everything else.  But hope is a gift.  A precious gift.  The surgeon told us that many times, his patients wake up in recovery with more movement than they have had before surgery.  He told us that sometimes, within a few days, the movements become improved.  He told us that sometimes, after surgery things are still the same, but that the damage has been stopped and that is a good thing.  He told us that sometimes, things get worse and hopefully they will improve.  Sometimes they get worse and it takes a lot of work to return function  , if at all.

Jerry is right there in the midst of this.  He awoke with very little sensation in his extremities.  He was fearful in those first hours. My heart sank.  Deep in the back of my mind I remembered all the Dr had spoke to us the week earlier.  I still longed for that quick, healing.  As the days have gone on, it has been one moment at  time.  Managing pain was so difficult the first few days. Then it has been regaining sensation in some areas and yet others still come and go. The first 5 days I could not leave his side.  It is still hard to leave, but I am learning that my sleep is necessary to help him through each day.  Each day is a little better than the last. He has now got to the point of taking  about 6-8 shuffled steps with a walker to get from the bed to a chair.  It is only about 2 ft but to us it seems like a mile.We  are trusting a complete recovery.  Accepting that the road ahead is going to be long and the days are not going to be easy.  You can not go on a journey without at least,an idea of whats ahead. No hope in seeing anything, sounds like a disappointment from the get go. We anticipate change and look forward to seeing it come to fruition.  This journey has a long road before us, I can honestly say my heart hurts at once ahead but I can also see how the Lord continues to pave the way.

Sunday we had visitors, friends, family and two of our kiddos.  Jerry was able to get in a wheel chair and we took over the family room and had a bit of family style dinner thanks to the Colonel-KFC.  It was just fun to have a bit of something normal.  and just to spend time with the kids was so heart filling for both of us.

A New Vision

I have tried to write something for the past two weeks but keep coming up with lost thoughts.  So much is happening each day, good and bad, that  it becomes overwhelming to just process the day.

Last Tuesday, we met the Neurosurgeon whom will be doing Jerry's surgery.  I new without a doubt that if a young Resident Surgeon walked through the door, I was bolting, draggin Jerry along with me.  I needed to see experience, I have put my trust in the Lord for placing the right Dr at the right time to do this surgery for Jerry, but I knew what my expectations were.  As Jerry eyed all the prosthetic spinal hardware displayed in the office, I was going over all the questions we had.  The Dr. was already seeing us after hours , which was quite accomadating to the need to proceed soon with treatment.  As the Surgeon walked in, I pictured him with a football tucked in his arm, rushing past a defense line, plowing them down one at a time.  I really could not picture him with a scalpel in his hands, prepared to make incisions on my best friends neck !! I listened to him talk and found his gentleness in his words.  His care for what was to be done, the team he had arranged to come alongside of him  and the critical-ness of Jerry's spine.  I was thankful for this man, this professional whom would be handling the delicateness of my man.
Have you ever seen an MRI ?  It is a deeper image than an xray and is quite fascinating. I am going to share part of Jerry's MRI, to show the extent of his damage.  A little knowledge- the spinal canal runs on each side of the spinal cord and the cord is inside of the vertebrae to keep it protected.  When you see this picture you will see the white lines on the both sides of the spinal canal.  However as you go down his spine you will see where that canal is not visible.  The vertebrae are constricting his cord with very little space left. This is his Cervical spine- neck area.

Part of c4-c7 will be removed during surgery to release pressure on the spinal cord.

We understood it was damaged, but a picture relays the message so clearly.  Once we saw this image, we really understood how Blessed and protected Jerry was this year.  In Dec , when he injured his back for the umpteenth time, this last time had a bigger purpose than we knew.

Having all these months to allow for his back injury to be milder (not healed yet) but more tolerable, has been a blessing.  Having him slow down and rest was needed.  His energy has continued to decrease through the months.  His nerves have continued to shut down in areas . ONE MORE TIME of getting under a horse could have could have been detrimental to his body.  We are really thankful as we look back and see how he was protected. The time it has taken to get the medical team we have, has been worth it.  God's timing is perfect even when it has been hard. 

The day after we met the surgeon, was another reminder of trusting and seeing the Lord protect.  The news we learned from our meeting with the Surgeon opened our eyes to a future that seemed to be filled with dreams.  Jerrys health has been declining for years.  He has been limited in activities with us for most of Isaia (our 7 yr olds) life.  We left the Dr's office with so much HOPE it was overwhelming.  The thought that this injury to his spine could change so many of his symptoms and restore a life I have not seen in him in years.  We are in AWE of what the Lord has been doing in our lives and especially how he is restoring Jerry's health.  The time he has given us as a family is such a treasured gift. The journey of walking in Faith and trusting God for EVERY need we have is humbling and amazing. We feel so Blessed and Grateful each and every day.  The days of unknown are becoming  clearer , the vision of a different future for our family is so exciting. :)

Jerry was up in the early hours Wed, spending time with God, praying and praising and drawing closer to him than anything he has experienced in a long time.  It was such a spiritual breakthrough with his relationship with Our Heavenly Father  He was so renewed and excited by morning and could  not wait to go and speak to our Pastors and share his joy.  He hasn't drove much because he usually has little strength and just his pain. Plus -I do hover over him as much as I can :)

He drove the 10 minutes to church and spent some time sharing, while there he had an episode where he seemed to have lost consciousness for a little bit, though he had sat alone and no one knew. 

He later drove to a friends on a mission to deliver some Joy !!  

While there, his whole demeanor changed and he was overcome with faint feeling and then began having a seizere type episode. Medics came and brought him to ER.  I got a call saying they were calling 911, my mind froze at first then began the panic mode. * I am usually pretty on target for staying focused in difficulties but this one was more than my heart could bear.  Jerry is the Love of my love, my best friend, my right hand , my heart sank and it took my 18 yr old to take charge of the rest of the kids and direct me and drive me to the ER.(So thankful for that Boy) Now at the ER, he  then had leg tremors that would not stop fo rover half an hour.  It was hard to see him unable to control his body.  Heavy muscle relaxers were given and his body calmed down.  Most of this was considered to be because of his spine, but days of tests were done to ensure nothing else was wrong.I have said many times throughout some of our difficult times, DO not be discouraged by the Valleys , as sad and tough as they can be, there is so much beauty there.  The river is flowing , the trees bear fruit, It can be a place to sit and rest and be filled up !!  

The Olympic Mts peaking out, we live in a beautiful part of the country, don't we !!

  

Look at the view outside Jerry's window, one is the courtyartd below and one is just looking west out the window, What a beautiful blessing.  Even the time away at the hospital, although it wasn't fun and dandy, it was time.  Time together, to just focus on things without the kids and everything else that comes in.  We haven't really had time away since all this started months ago, so as hard as it was it was also good. 

We really hope that people don't feel sad for us that we are going through this season.  I do not say that it is easy, but its joy filled, Really !!  There were times this past week when the scene inside the window was not so cheerful, but oh my, what a gift to look out the window and be reminded of our great Creator whom is not surprised by any of this.  Whom created this majestic beauty outside. What a JOY giver HE is !

2 Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. James 1:2-3 (NASB)

We know this season is upon us for a reason.  Jerry had this revelation this week that yes, his body is weak, but the Lord is going to continue to use him, he just needs him strong and healthy again. AND we BELIEVE that he will be.  

This week, we are taking things slow.  There have been Dr appts and more to come before Surgery on Friday.  Jerry is mobile with the help of a walker. If I could put him in bubble wrap this week, I would have.  We are on watch 24/7 just to keep him safe.  No tripping or falling !!

Jerry was finally sitting up and feeling better this weekend. 

The surgery will be intense and he will be on heavy pain meds for the next month.  It is going to be a slow process to recovery but we are excited for the end result. We will keep our eyes on the Lord and trust that whatever comes will be his will. The Surgeon did say that there is a good probablility that all his issues will slowly resolve.  But that since his spine has been constricted for probably some time, that there is a chance things could be the same as they are.  Jerry is at a place where he is ok with that.  He knows the Lord is using this and will use it for us to be a Lighthouse to shine His love.

We have complete trust as we continue to walk this journey.

We are truly thankful for each need that is met before we even know its a need !! We have not gone without anything. We have been overwhelmed with love and support.  We are so thankful for each of you walking through this with us.  

Pray with us :

That the Lord would be seen in and through us as we go forward each day.

Pray that Peace would continue to overflow  

That HE would continue to bring healing into Jerry's body.

That HE would continue to provide every need.

That he would guide the Surgeons hands and the entire team.

That he would restore Jerrys nerve damage

That our family would continue to grow stronger

Prayers for strength and endurance as I stnd beside Jerry and care for him

Protect the kids and their hearts as they watch Dad go through this difficult time

Pray that any fears that creep in about surgery would be diminished.

Praise God for his perfect timing

Praise God for his protection over Jerry, esp. these past 5 months

We pray for each of you reading this that you may see the Love of the Lord through our journey and may yu find hope in the difficult times as well as the good times. 

Thank you each for coming alongside of us, we are so thankful for each of you .

This was alot to share but I hope you have a picture of what's going on. If you would like to send Jerry a card here is our address: if you want to connect with us just leave a comment and we will get back to you soon.

PO Box 637

Lakebay, WA 98349

Much Love and thankfulness,
Tammy,Jerry and Family