The bigger picture ...

At Christmas, Jerry injured his back and we  realized that it was not going to be a  quick fix.  We have seen how God used that injury to bring change to Jerry's career and allowed us the opportunity to focus completely in trusting the Lord more and more. When you have stability, you are thankful for that stable routine day to day.  When that stability, even if it was a little unknown each day, becomes rocked and not something to count on, you can feel troubles multiply.  But you don't have to let troubles creep in and sink you.  There is something so grand and peaceful having our trust in the Lord.  He is constant, HE loves us unconditionally, He wants what is best for us.  Having a vision beyond yourself , where you can focus on the true meaning of the journey changes the perspective.  We can't  meet our troubles with fear or we can get overwhelmed with all the what's? and Why's and How are we going to .....  ( I have slipped into those spots these past few months, BUT only for a few moments.  BECAUSE, fear is a heavy burden which we can not carry around when we have so much to do.)  I could not focus on being the Wife, Mom, friend, teacher and all the other things that I need to be on a daily basis, if I spent my days worrying and living in fear.  What a blessing to cast those thoughts  into the hands of the Lord and TRUST his perfect plan.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

Well, its been a few weeks of waiting around here.  Jerry has been doing Physical Therapy for his back and that has really helped alleviate some of the pain.  The PT Dr. Has been great.  He is also doing Occupational Therapy for his hands.  His right hand has become worse with the numbing and the loss of use. He has trouble using utensils, and holding onto things.   In the past week or so he is noticing more of the numbing coming across his left hand as well.   We have been waiting for the MRI for his upper spine.  We had that on Friday morning.  By Friday night we had a message from the Orthopedic Dr asking us to call him on his cell Sat. Jerry spoke to him Sat morning and he said he wanted Jerry into Neurologist soon, he has 3 vertebrae constricting his spinal cord in his neck- cervical spine.  By Sunday, the Neurologist called us and said he has Jerry scheduled for surgery in May and we are meeting with him next week.  So, we have the next plan.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Three months ago, the big problem was Jerry's back. We found joy in that pain by giving his body a break from Farrier work. There has been such peace knowing he would not go out and be injured again.  I have been able to spend time with him that I have missed for many years.  No more early mornings and late nights.  There has been joy in this time of difficulty.
NOW, I have a new perspective again.  Praise the Lord he injured his back, because if he had not,  we would not have found out in time about his neck-spinal damage. Dr's calling on the weekend to speak to us , shows the concern they have and the care they have for their patients. We are thankful for the Medical team Jerry has been placed with . We appreciate the waiting, now he gets moved at a faster pace and we can see that because we know what its like to wait. So this new diagnosis can still bring JOY that they found it in the nic of time !!

The last few weeks have been filled with emotions.  Watching Jerry become more alive than he has in months, thanks to the PT. He still has hard days, but he is moving around more, and that is a JOY GIVER..... AJ turned in all his paperwork for his Eagle Scout application :) He also turned 18 last week, where did the time go ?  He was able to go down to Louisiana this week to visit my family....(here is a Mom emotion to share ):  He had to be at the airport at 4 am, he was flying standby and so I was thinking I would just walk him in til he got to security... Well, Jerry decided to go along so I wouldn't be alone in the wee hours.   Then he decided to drive, which was nice for a change.   Well, as we arrived at the airport , he pulled up to the curb and said "Have a great time , Buddy! " My Mama heart just about sank, This was not my expectation and boy did I have to suck it up to give him a hug and  say goodbye !!  Jerry reminded me he is only gone a week, BUT in my mind,  the next time it might not be a week.  This boy has big dreams and one of these days he will lift his wings and soar.  Needless to say , tears rolled down my cheek till the Tacoma Dome , then I could finally enjoy the rest of our morning ride together :)
  Katie is becoming more confident and coming out of her quiet shell. Sarah, whom has struggled with her reading , has become unstoppable with a book in her hands at all hours. Isaia, is still our silly guy.. he is still having these strange "zaps" (so keep praying for answers to that one ) and is in a new stage with his speech , which we will be going to Children's hospital for assessments once things settle down, somewhat.

 The Lord continues to provide for us, in all ways.  Through many of your hands, we are beyond greatful.  There is something so lovely about being in such a difficult season but having complete Peace.  There is so many unknowns ahead and yet there is a Peace beyond all our understanding as we move forward in this journey.  It reminds us that this is part of the plan, and HE is allowing this season to restore Jerry's health and our family time to prepare us for something greater.   We are so in AWE of everything that has been happening these past months and how we are feeling so loved by the Lord and all of you.  Thanks for coming alongside of us.  I pray as we share this you will see the Joy that we see in these hard times.  That even in the hard times, God is in control and his plan is perfect.

Please pray with us -
Praise the Lord that Jerry's back injury revealed this spinal damage !!!
Praise God that he continues to take care of all our needs.
Praise for all the family time we are having
That we would keep our eyes on Jesus, He is the Author of this story.
That we would cast all fears unto him, as soon as they creep in.
That Jerrys nerves will not get worse before we get in to Dr
That the pain would be alleviated
That the peace we have would continue to overflow
That we can continue to trust the Lord for all provisions
Pray for wisdom for the Neurosurgeon as he gathers the perfect team for the procedure
Thank you for all your Love and prayers, May the Lord's face shine upon each of you and Bless you .
Much Love,
Tammy and Jerry

His mercies are new Each and Every day...

I really enjoy the opportunity to pour my thoughts out, whether anyone reads them or not , I am ok with that, either way.  There are many whom ask how we are doing and I feel like this is an easy way to share.  My hope is that I can be real and share our journey , the good days and the hard days , while  allowing the Lord's presence to be the Light of our story.  I hope our joys will encourage you as well as our struggles.  I hope that you see, that even on the hard days , the Lord is continuous in his Love and Faithfulness.
I don't plan to write everyday , but feel that after sharing my difficul day Wednesday I would like to share how the Lord SHINED SO BRIGHTLY UPON ME TODAY....(Thursday)

Wednesday was just a weird , normal day.  I was reminded that when you are in pain your mood can sting.  I was quite discouraged Wed night, but ultimately still know that God's plan is perfect.  I want to share a glimpse of our Blessed day with you , not at all to be "braggy".  Just to show you how the Lord has continued to provide and bless us each day of this journey. Not ever the same way twice, but he always shows up and has continuously spoke to me in that small , quiet voice , saying " He has us , he is carrying us "  For a time Wed, I forgot.  But as we go on this journey he doesn't let me forget for very long. Praise the Lord !!

Thursdays are our co-op days so we are up and out of the house early.  I teach two classes so I am always a bit scattered in the morning, making sure we have it all. Today, we left without rushing and made it with plenty of time to spare.  Classes went well, besides the Sun not appearing til the end of my science class where we made sun dials ;) Oh well...
Familiar faces and lots of smiles were part of the day, worship time during Chapel was filling my cup already this morning. Such a Joy giver to me !!
An envelope was passed my way which was full of encouraging words and a blessing to our family. The words- "The Lord just wants you to know He LOVES you so much and not to worry about anything, He is carrying you " Tears rolled down my cheeks.

After co-op , the youngers and I are off to the store for a few things. Just so happens there was funds in the envelope to cover all the things I was planning to get today, plus some extra things. Thank you Lord for always providing ,Just what we need , when we need it.
Yet he has not left himself without testimony: He has shown kindness by giving you rain from heaven and crops in their seasons; he provides you with plenty of food and fills your hearts with Joy.”Acts 14:17

Piano lessons went well, then off to pick up Katie. We leave those great friends with some homemade cookies for a treat at home~feeling so blessed.  A stop at the Library and then we would head home. 
Meanwhile, at home Jerry and AJ are welcoming my In-laws who drove over from Puyallup.  I was  honestly a little stressed about them coming today.Mostly because the house was ready for friends to visit but not really family (y'know !) Have not seen them since Christmas, they are an hour away , so I was feeling a bit disconnected with them.  I Love them dearly but find myself in such a different world than they are most days, just keeping up with school and kids ,and they have there own busy lives.  The kids were so glad to see them and it was a nice visit. Jan brought me a sign she found today and said she instantly thought of me, that made me tear up..... it says "Life is a journey, enjoy it"--do you see why I teared up :)  I was very blessed by the gift of this sign ..What a special Joy Giver !!!

On the front porch this afternoon was a mason jar full of tulips. (Mason jars and tulips are Joy-givers y'know)
Then a knock at the door brought a Beautiful, smiling face of a friend whom had Lemon bread to bring a little cheer to our day ! (Lemon anything- another Joy Giver)
Friends, sweet sisters who send encouraging texts at the perfect time- AMAZING JOY GIVERS

Jerry came to Bible study tonight , for the first time in ages.  It was so good to be in the Word together and fellowshipping with our friends.  I hope if you are following along with us ,you can see how Much Our Heavenly Father Loves us all. 

Thanks for your prayers Thursday-I felt them from the moment my feet hit the floor !!!

 I urge you, brothers and sisters, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to join me in my struggle by praying to God for me. Romans 15:30


I am so Thankful for yesterday so that I could receive His New Mercies Today !!! The Lord is the Great JOY GIVER..
Keep Looking for the Joy my friends..
Love, Hugs and Blessings
Tammy

Keeping our heads up through the process....

We are in month 4 of this journey.  I remind myself often that this is part of a greater plan.  We prayed for a change and we never know what that change is going to look like until we can look back on it. So for now we trust the plan and keep stepping forward.

It is not easy, somedays everything just sails along , almost normal.  WHATEVER THAT IS !!!
But most days have bumps in them, nothing major but enough to slow us down and remind us that we are still in the process.
Jerry has been doing Physical Therapy for two weeks now.  He was very hesitant to even go.  The Dr. is wonderful.  He is very thorough and really gives insight into everything he does.  He is teaching me some things to do at home with Jerry and has given Jerry plenty of exercises to help relieve some of the pain in his lower back.  It is not a quick fix but it is good to see Jerry walking a little straighter after he does therapy.  The biggest concern with the Dr.s now is actually his upper back and neck area.  even though the pain is down lower.  He has some severe damage up there and we are waiting on the MRI to get a better idea of whats happening. (His hands are having some serious nerve issues, so between Physical and occupational therapy they are working through some ways to keep them strengthened. ) We are getting closer, we were going to try and switch providers for it, but with our insurance as long as it is here it will be covered and it would make the wait maybe longer with more paperwork.  So , this gives the therapy time to start working and help improve the lower back for now.
Pain management is key to this.  If he maintains his routine with it, he is much more tolerable of being up and around.  It is milder and he can function somewhat.  When he misses it or decides to hold off, it reminds him he definitely has an injury still.  Which is good and bad.  It is not his desire to stay in need of the meds but for now they are helping in the process.

This past week, after Physical Therapy he made it to Good Friday service, which was great and also Sunday to Resurrection Service .  It was nice to have him by my side.  It had been a long time since all 6 of us were together for service.  What a JOY to my heart.

As slow as things seem most days, life is going by fast. Jerry has been up supervising AJ with his Eagle Projects the last few weeks.  That has finally finished and he turns in his application tomorrow. So happy to see that coming to an end and knowing all his hard work is going to be rewarded .  Our boy is turning 18 Sunday and it seem like such a whirlwind of emotions as a Mom looking back and ahead. My mind has been so focused on keeping things going and helping Jerry be comfortable and I feel like I blinked and our boy is turning into a man.  Though he has really stepped up these past months and we are thankful for the Man he is becoming.

My spiritual tank feels a little empty this past week or so and I am starting to just be weary of the journey. I am thankful for the bits of progress, disappointed that this isn't an easy fix.  I wonder what's ahead more lately than I have in the past.  I need to remind myself of the great things I know and trust the Lord to do through this.  I think we can be strong  but also feel tired during difficult times.  I am there, encouragement is needed. Just so I can get my focus back and keep my eyes upon the Lord.
It is late and tomorrow is a long busy day, but I wanted to give a little peek at whats going on this week.
 Thanks for checking in on us and know we are so thankful for each of you and all your kind words and Love and support.
Pray with us :
 Jerry would continue to be released from pain that his nerve issues in his hands would not increase
                        Physical Therapy would continue to help
                         The drive back and forth would be tolerable
                          I can seek the Joy and not be discouraged
                          That we can keep our eyes on the Lord and Trust his plan through this

Love and Blessings
~Tammy