Keep looking for the Joy

I am trying to figure out how I can still have peace yet feel such discouragement.
Today was the long awaited appt with the Orthopedic Dr.
I have been a bit stressed this week knowing there are several important things coming together at the same time, or at least, Possibly !
 Thankful that there was grace for my plans today, was a start to a good day.  Then, we found a parking spot right near the entrance to the Dr. which was just another little joy giver.   Jerry checked in and they whisked him off to do some new Xrays.  Things were just so efficient, I was pleased.    Jerry fashioning blue paper shorts as he wobbled off to xray,  well, that was a bonus joygiver today ;)

He is being seen at the military hospital.  There is something unique about sitting in a waiting room with Veterans and Active duty  and spouses that just brings honor to your heart. Plus , being in a medical facility brings back such good memories for me of my time working in the clinics.  Those memories are for another story , though ;)

After seeing the Orthopedic Surgeon, many new things have came up.  The nerve function in his hands could be triggered by several different things, which must be checked into.  The back pain is still very much at the forefront of our concerns. After reviewing results,  The Dr. didn't see the severe injury we were expecting, at least not in his lower back.  He has some severe damage to his neck area of his spine . Which they sent him for more Xrays and have ordered another MRI.  The back pain, which seems to be the priority, only to us, is not showing enough signs of what is wrong with it to proceed with an effective treatment. Jerry needs to go back to Primary care and have some more tests and try some new meds for right now.  There are more hoops to go through to get things done effectively and timely with insurance (though I am beyond thankful that we have it).  So , right now the only new news we have is that he has more appts....

It is hard to keep positive tonight when I am tired of seeing him in pain, I want to trust the plan that is  unknown, but set before us.   I know I can, but for tonight its just a time to wonder why? and what's next ?
My mind is busy with to do lists for the next few days :

A friend is waiting on their little one to enter the world, I am excited to Doula for them, HUGE JOY GIVER !!
Tomorrow , I need to be able to focus and make phone calls and keep this process moving. Tomorrow , Isaia has an appt for some things going on with his speech delays
I am choosing to look for the Joy givers throughout the day.  Those keep my cup full, when I feel the joy is leaking out.
The sun was out today and it was so lovely.  That is a great joy -giver.
I need to find time to catch up at home, things have been allowed to slack around here and I have lost my motivation with Jerry home.
The fun days have been few and far between and I know getting my chaos turned into calm will allow time to make "fun" days again.

• If you are praying with us 
• Thank you for your Love and support
• Thank you for your words of encouragement
• Please pray for complete healing of Jerry's body.
• Pray for wisdom with all the xrays to see the root cause of his pain
• Pray for any nerve damage to be reversed
• Pray for us to be Strong and Courageous through this journey
• Pray we can get answers to Isaia's delays that will help unlock his struggle with his speech
• Pray for me to get a handle on the things at home that need to be in order and be a JOYful mom  as we do it.
• And that we can find some FUN family time opportunity after this week.

Thanks for coming along this journey with us :)

Love and Blessings,

Tammy 

   

   

The days go on...

Thursday is Jerry's appt. with the Orthopedic Dr. Yay !! we are looking forward to the next plan and ultimately getting him back up and better than ever.  Let's keep going....

Sundays sermon talked about not being complacent in our daily life.  Sometimes , during this journey it seems we get stuck.  I can keep my eyes on the Lord daily, because he is ever present in our life.  Throughout the day he is reminding us of all the ways he is orchestrating each step of this path.  The blessing continue and we are thankful for the love and peace we are allowed to be a part of.

Life here at home is still normal, Kids get sick, school still needs to continue, activities are still happening and chores are never ending.  Isaia has been fighting a cold all week, he has a "frog in his throat" as he talks and the girls joke with him. AJ is weeks away from turning 18 and my eyes see it happening but my heart is trying to understand where the time has gone.  Katie is slowly coming out of her shell , she even went to youth group this week, which was a move of confidence. Sarah Grace graduated out of speech this week, she has been doing speech since she was 3 1/2.

The clock does not stop when you have a crisis in the home, whether it is small or large. We must keep going , slowing down just leaves more for us to do when we go to face it.  But it is easy to be so focused on the trial you are facing that I feel like just surviving and staying in a slow mode is part of this journey.  Sometimes it takes all I have to open my Bible,even though I know it will give me what I need to face the day.  Sometimes , no matter how much peace I have I just am weary of all the things I have to keep focused and all the decisions that need to be made.  Jerry is here and able to run ideas through with me , but I am learning how hard it is for him to focus through things when he is dealing with pain.  I had a terrible headache from Sat til Mon and I think it was just a reminder of  trying to function when you are in pain and how its so difficult.  It was not fun for those few days, but it was good to get my mind focused more on WHY I am needed to pull things together and stay focused. To be more empathetic to Jerry and the frustrations that go through him when he wants to do things but just can't. I cringe and my heart aches for him when I see him in pain. I trust and HOPE that we will be nearing an end to this soon.

No, the clock is still ticking, the Earth is still revolving and life is still going, at it's normal , lovely, perfect pace.  If we are complacent all the time, the normal is going to pass us by.  The day will come when I will miss the squabbling between sisters, a coughing little fella "pop-corning out of bed" for the 10th time, an almost 18 yr old who quietly says "goodnight , Mom".

Jerry went out to his shop for a while today, he is enjoying his time woodworking and getting his shop in order.  He longs to swing a hammer again, that time will come. Now he can sit, listen, trust and rest in God's faithfulness to carry him and us through this journey.  Life is busy but the days can be filled with normal and that is so good.

This week has seemed overwhelming from the beginning, but as each day comes to an end, it is filled to the rim with good moments, mixed with hard times, overlapping stressful minutes surrounded with Blessings and Covered by Grace.  All together making another day that is filled with memories, and looking forward to tomorrow. His Mercies are New each and Every morning, what a beautiful promise to close our eyes to.
Hugs and Blessings ~Tammy

Waiting...

I seem to have left all my thoughts inside my head. I go to sleep writing out my next post but never seem to stop and type it out.   There is so much going on these days.  But the biggest thing is learning to WAIT.   I remember over a year ago when Jerry and I decided to pray about him finding a new job.  I remember all the resumes we typed up and applications that we kept filling out.  Then hitting 'send' and waiting.  Each time hopeful for a new adventure. Each time watching him go off to work to provide but knowing how much his body hurt.  Each day hoping he would come home unharmed.  Each time he came home hurting more than the day before.  Each time he would come home to rest and then get back up and go out again.  Because that's the man I married. The man that will keep going until he can't any more.  He will put his whole heart into it and not complain.  Go out in the rain and the cold and the heat ,all the crazy weather,and keep going.  His clients expected him to come and  he was glad to help them so they could go on their next adventure. He kept going and we kept waiting for a door to open, a new door with new opportunities.

So many times in the past year and a half , he came home with an injury that would keep him down for a week or three....and we waited, for him to recover , for a new door to open.  Sometimes, more often than not, most days I look back and I can see how the Lord was speaking into him... "this is it, slow down, look around, I have something new for you"  But if we aren't really looking , listening and waiting for his words with our eyes wide open, I think we miss the message. So He "God" has to keep speaking to us. For Jerry it has been another injury,  broken ribs, injured foot, cramped up hands, and a back that won't work right.  Now he came to a place where he was stuck.  Just to put his socks on was impossible.  Now we hear you Lord.  Why Do we keep going when he just wants us to listen.  But when we finally hear him, he says "stop, WAIT"  I have a better plan.

We have spent over three months on this new journey, from each Dr appt, we wait for the next. We wait to see if the next treatment works. We wait to see the right specialist. We wait as the pain medicine kicks in.  But as we wait, Life still goes on. The Lord is still writing our story.

The Lord is still in charge and now I see that "HOW WE WAIT IS THE BEST PART OF THE STORY, or atleast IT CAN BE..."

DO I WAIT WITH FEAR ?    
  I sought the Lord, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. (Psalm 34:4)

DO I TRUST HIM  WHO BREATHES LIFE INTO ME ?

DO I TRUST THAT HE WILL PROVIDE MY DAILY BREAD?

Trust in the Lord and do good; so you will live in the land, and enjoy security. Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him. (Psalm 37:3-5, 7a)

Just some of the thoughts I think on and YES during this journey I DO ... I have more peace today than I have had during the past year , watching Jerry leave each day and praying, sometimes begging the Lord to help him come home un-injured.... Now I see him hurting , trying to be part of the family, functioning some days better than others. but he is home and he won't get hurt worse and I believe with all my heart that once we get to right person(DR) in this process of WAITING he will be healed and better than he has been in YEARS.  I can hardly wait for the time this summer when he will be able to go for a walk, a hike, kick the ball with the kids, just be active with us again.:)

I believe there is  peace to be found in the midst of any trial if we give it completely over to the one who Writes the story, to our CREATOR, Our Heavenly Father, who LOVES us so much that even when we struggle , he is using it to give us more strength.  OH HOW HE LOVES US !!
I feel that Love,, it is extended through friends who send a text just to say "How are you" it is through a hug, a song that plays on the radio, the phone calls that come and say just thinking of you. It is through those that show up with groceries and fill our pantry and freezer and the way all the bills somehow get paid even when there is no income.  It is the friend who says I bought too many light bulbs , and brings some over when I have traded all the good bulbs around and there still isn't enough light to do school.  It is time with my husband , HOME, even when he hurts , it is the gift of TIME.. For so many years he has left early and returned late , tired, weary , hungry , hurt.  Now we get to have him around all the time. it is fun to just know he is right in the next room. to have good talks, to hang out with him, listen to him with  the kids. watch him interact and make memories. Recharging our family time, what a gift. We are so thankful for this season

The waiting is for a purpose.  This time is the perfect time.  The Lord is working in our hearts and showing us glimpses of what is ahead.  He has great things planned for our family and I am excited for this next season. He is preparing us to serve HIM in a new way and it is an honor to feel and know that whatever is ahead is part of GOD' plan.  He allows us to go through things to get us ready for the next journey. I think the peace we have is because we are in HIS will right now.  A season of resting and getting strong again so we can carry on with the new mission that the Lord is opening a door to
If you read all the way to the end of my ramblings, please pray with us : Pray for Healing of Jerry's body, Pray for us to Keep our eyes on JESUS, Pray for us to have strength in each day and trust God's provisions continuously, Pray for clarity as we seek the next door to go through, That the Lord would make it very clear as we get closer to the next decision. In all things let us find JOY, if we look through the Lord's eyes it will be evident all around us. Love and Blessings,💜Tammy