Here in the midst of it all.....

It has been two weeks since Jerry went in for his Cervical Laminectomy. The past two weeks have been some what of a whirlwind, even a blur at times. This surgery to repair his spinal cord has brought us into a completely new world. From the episodes before surgery until now, we have been away from home nearly 3 weeks. My emotions have went from anxious, to excited , to worry, concern, heart ache, fear, relief, loneliness, frustration, disappointment, sadness, weakness, humbled, joy filled and many more. I am blessed to be next door in this lovely room at the Fisher House, it is bigger than our room at home, geez its nearly as big as half our house... since our home is just over 700sq ft it doesn't take much ;) The past two nights I have finally been able to sleep calmly, without the flood of tears. The emotions seem to be at bay for now.
We moved to the VA Hospital in Seattle on Monday. He started in acute Rehab and on day 2 it was decided that he should move to the Spinal Cord Injury Unit. It is an amazing place and they are focused on walking with you through the journey of your spinal cord injury. It has taken us a few days to understand the complete injury of his spinal cord. Its one thing to go into surgery, understanding that it needs to be done now and then waking up with loss of function and moving into this whole new world.
I honestly can say that my joy has been zapped a few times these past few weeks. I try hard to seek the joy in everything. My eyes have been foggy to pretty much everything. Exhaustion makes it all so unclear. Watching the Love of your life, lying there weak when you know him as a strong tower in your life is difficult. On day 2 here, he was given a new wheel chair. He laughed at them, I fought back tears. He told them :He would be walking as soon as they gave him a chance; He is still saying that :) I am still fighting back tears but I am right there beside him to cheer him on. That day was hard, I came back to my room and cried that night until there were no tears left to cry. I struggled with the "why" and I couldn't find the words to even pray. My heart just ached, I was mad that this surgery was going to bring new life to our family and NOW things were really going to be different, but not the way I had pictured.
GOD is NOT SURPRISED BY THIS.. it is part of his perfect plan. He can move mountains, he can raise the dead, he can heal the sick.. He can heal Jerry. IF it is HIS will and WHEN he is ready.
Those are the words Jerry reminded me of on Wednesday. We sat together and just cried together for over an hour. I am always the optimist, I seek and I find joy. Jerry was not sure what to think when I told him , "I don't know what to think anymore, I don't know how to pray through this" I am just weak and my heart hurts " He looked at me and said "I know God is going to use me and our story , I do not know if He wants me in this wheelchair or to be walking , BUT I know he is going to use me and our family, so let's trust him together. "

26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. Romans 8:26

The Joy-giver that caught me in that moment was, completely opening my heart to Jerry and when I had nothing to give him he picked me up and encouraged me and strengthened me. Our marriage has grown stronger every day during this journey this year, but this moment was pivotal.As weak as he is physically, I see him stronger than ever spiritually. And really there is no better place to be. If his strength remained to be spiritual and not physical , I could not be happier. I LOVE how God has grabbed his heart and is filling him to the brim. He inspires me daily :)

The days are long and Jerry has a tough road ahead, but if it is bringing glory to God and believe me, He is sharing greatness of our Heavenly Father with everyone we meet. There is Joy in my steps again. We conquer each day with new HOPE . He tells his great stories, I am by his side, helping and encouraging him as he takes a step, or pulls his body up into a sitting position, as he learns to transfer from the bed to his chair, to push him when his arms are just too tired. In the last two days we were signed off , so I can assist him with his transfers so he didn't need a nurse for escaping the bed`;) and today his therapist took us on a field trip- she had him travel through the hospital and outside and across the rd to the Fisher House. !! Yay , how wonderful . His Dr. signed him off on a pass to come to the Fisher House and so the kids are coming up this weekend and he can visit without being in the Hospital setting. It is such a blessing !!

Meanwhile, back at home; the kids are tending to everything. We have great friends looking in, taking time to handle situations, feeding them delicious meals, having play dates , finishing up transcripts;) finalizing school and just being there for them. I want to encourage you moms, that are raising littles , it is so hard somedays but don't give up ! We are so blessed by how the kids have stepped up and are being so responsible. I miss them terribly, my mama heart longs to have them with me, the quietness is disheartening after a day or so. I am so thankful I can have peace within this absence and be here to walk alongside of Jerry. I am thankful for the way God is growing them closer and carrying them through this season.
Please pray with us :
Thank you Lord for bringing Jerry this far, for giving him peace for igniting his heart and giving you all the Glory
Thank you for the team working with him , continue to pray for wisdom for them
Thank you Lord for all the many ways you are carrying us through this and providing all our needs
Thank you for your covering over the Kids while we are away
Thank you for the Fisher House
Continued prayer for Jerry's body to be completely restored.
Pray for strength each day as it gets physically harder with each therapy.
Pray for the families we meet each day that have loved ones here, that we can speak words of hope and encouragement into their lives.
May we both have endurance , as the days are long and emotionally as well as physically exhausting
Let my eyes seek the Joy and stay focused on Jesus.
Thank you all for coming alongside and being our great encouragers.
We are Thankful for each of you, May the Lords face shine brightly upon each of you as you walk your journey today, Seek the JOY !!

Here is the address to the Hospital if you want to send a card :

Dept Of VA

Puget Sound Health Care System

1660 South Columbian Way

Seattle, WA 98108-1597

Spinal Cord Injury Unit

119-B

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